whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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