I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
