I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
