No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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