When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
