dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
