So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
