tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
