Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
