Soap is not a condiment
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
