I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
