my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
