can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
