Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize