She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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