I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
