I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
