I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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