I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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