evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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