the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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