it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
