Tell her she can't have a vagina
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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