I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
