you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
