god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
