How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
