if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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