I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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