Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
