Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
