so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
