did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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