woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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