it's too hot outside to masturbate.
barbara walters just said penis...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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