I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
