jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
