Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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