I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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