So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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