I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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