just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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