I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
