I hope mine doesn't look like that
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
