He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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