I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
