so that wasnt chicken after all
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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