do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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