You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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