I think my vagina is haunted
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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