Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
