I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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