1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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