Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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