The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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