:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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