Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
