I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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