next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
