Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Plan B is the new Plan A
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
