the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
