he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
