that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just tell him i said nine months
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
