im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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