You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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