East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize