i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
