I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
