no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize