Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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