I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
